To send or not to send…

I spoke to my brother yesterday who had a pretty strong opinion about how these last posts where all about the same thing… At that point I had already written this one and so I’ll put this one up and then I’ll stop… It wasn’t actually me; it just sort of had a life on its own… Open the ‘relationship men women’ bag and the avalanche comes rolling down, getting bigger and bigger for every time. But I should try and tone it down a notch.  Oh and please note that the rainbow photograph isn’t mine, you can see the mouse in down right corner… The proper photograph is from here

So after ending that last post I still felt like the subject hadn’t exactly been exhausted fully. I was, then, considering the relationship between men and women and, let’s face it, probably stereotyping a lot, but why stop there? … Men and women is just the cliché example and this was where I started thinking about some of my other friends. I have a few male friends with a different but similar point of view and I think they’d also like to have a say in this. Also another question arising in all this… How long into a relationship does one have to be for it to be okay to write the other person’s name on one’s belly and sending the picture in an MMS? Please dear god let it at least be someone with a nice six-packed belly and not just writing on a love handle!! I know that I might be going a tat too fast so I will try to slow it down. I have a very good friend with whom I share a lot of intimate details, especially the crude ones, cause they’re always the best! We are in many ways very similar, both single, both very liberal and both very picky. We are also both trying to find our way to somewhere in whichever way possible and maybe we are both slightly neurotic. My friend was until quite recently only dating women that is until he came toLondon. Then something shifted and he found himself suddenly being very open to all kinds of different things, more specifically men. I don’t exactly know where it started and how, probably with a shy kiss in a dark corner of a club somewhere but pretty soon well the last thing he told me was that he met a guy that wrote his name on his belly (this well evidently after several times of pass 21 behaviour), took a picture of it and send it to him (he must really like him). Still haven’t seen that picture but my god I hope it’s good! Now when one of my other friends met this friend, the first question he asked me, after my friend in question left, was “is he straight or is he gay?”… I don’t know why but the more I’m considering this, the more that question bothers me. I realize or assume that gay people (not really into the generalizing thing so please correct me if I’m wrong) like straight people usually know that they are gay pretty early on. Like straight people know they are straight. Sometimes maybe admitting it to ones surroundings can be hard but it is something one knows. If you’re not straight you’re gay or you’re bi but do all these labels really matter? I have another friend who rarely tells us about his relationships and who refuses to decide whether straight gay or bi for that matter. And why is it necessary that he does. That my friend asked me that question about my friend; “is he straight or gay” obligated me to pick a flavour, “strawberry, chocolate or vanilla?”, so I shrugged and said “pistachio” (come to think of it I should eat more pistachio ice cream, the forgotten flavour). Is it us that designates the labels or are we being designated by them? Does the fact that I respond “gay”, “straight” or “bi” mean that I thus put my friend in a certain category? I didn’t want to give him a label so I said “neither” (of the three) and vaguely explained that he is just open-minded. But I still felt my (very straight… no judgement) friend wasn’t satisfied with my answer. In a world where everything is changing at light speed is it still necessary to label people (I did label my bike “Ella is cool” but that’s just cool so it doesn’t count)? Do we need these labels for some kind of systematization or isn’t that just being narrow-minded? I’m not saying my friend who asked me that is in any way narrow-minded but isn’t it interesting that we really like putting people in boxes…? Maybe I’m overreacting; maybe the moral of the story should just be… Chocolate, strawberry or pistachio, hey let’s throw cookie dough in there for the fun, they’re all damn good. Maybe the worst part of this is still how we continually judge ourselves. Could it be that we are ourselves afraid to choose a flavour because that would mean we limit ourselves to just that? I know that to my friend this is all new, unknown territory, terra incognita, and that can obviously be incredibly scary, it has to be I think. And this is partly because no matter which flavour he chooses he is afraid of what some people might think.  That some people might not like strawberry or chocolate… Maybe he is gay he told me the other day, maybe he is just afraid of admitting to himself, afraid of what his parents might say or the friends he see every week but who has no clue about who he really is. True some people might judge, that is even almost a given. The worst judge is however still him towards himself. If we never learn to accept ourselves for what we are (sorry if this is cliché and cheesy) it being fat, skinny, ginger, black, white, to small or to tall, gay, straight or bi… If we never learn to do that then how can we accept others?

So maybe we (men, women, dogs, penguins) should try and learn to be just a little less judgmental towards mostly ourselves and we could all have a little ice cream… I’m gonna say mint and vanilla… Any takers? Oh and to that let me just add; if there are no love handles involved (and even though I was slightly judging the name writing which might be a tat over the top) a cute guy sends you a picture of his six pack you take it… No, sorry, I can’t end it like that, it is just too much. Don’t send pictures of your tummy, don’t!!


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