Right so all jokes aside, this next post might be a tat serious… I don’t really know how to start so I’m just gonna go with it and see where it goes… For a few nights now, before I go to sleep I have had these thoughts, a little hard to place they are, where is Yoda when you need him to advice you on your life and beliefs…? Then I went, with my flatmates, to see Immortals (only cause it was free) and really don’t bother it is not very good. Cool effects but not really any storyline, just men fighting in togas (at least there was something fun to look at and I had Kitkat, so that kept me busy). That film sort of enhanced these ideas that have been roaming around in my head. If I may just say, I am not in any way trying to be cynical in this post, this is the purest honesty (pure as a young virgin). What I was thinking was, what if it is possible to become so cynical or loose faith so much that you chuck your feelings so far away that you just don’t feel anything anymore. Why does Immortals has anything to do with this, well cause I was sitting there watching all these highly violent fight scenes and obviously I felt nothing. Okay maybe Immortals is not the best example cause I was also busy eating Kitkat and it was just an action movie. I could now take this in a direction where I discuss how, because of the amount of violence and suffering on TV, we have become immune to the pain and suffering we daily see everywhere around us. I’m not quite gonna, though one could keep that idea in mind. My point is, how can we be sure what we feel is real? See it’s not actually about having had so many bad experiences that you chuck your feelings away it is more, how do we know these feelings are not just drama we create for ourselves to ‘feel’ we have a more interesting life? If, say, I’m sad about a boy then I know I’m sad, but sometimes I wonder if that sadness is just something I do to have something to obsess about, something to spend my time on… Or I had a conversation with a friend in Paris a while ago (over cheap happy hour red wine and no peanuts) about the way it is more interesting when something with the other sex is on that when nothing’s on… This may seem logic but I don’t think men really bother about this, if nothing’s going on then nothing’s going on, they have a wank (as my flatmates, boys, say) and they play X-box rugby or drink beer. I am considering if this is just about us being lonely sad pathetic girls, but I’m not sure loneliness is the reason. It’s not so much about the being lonely it’s more just about keeping your mind busy… But doesn’t work and career suffice to do that… yeah everyone knows the answer to that.. It is a logic fact that girls like to obsess about boys, the more stupid the boy the more fun the obsession. The thing is just right, what if all this is just scam… Obviously not for everyone. But what if when we are sad or pissed off or hysterical about someone, maybe it is just to keep our minds busy. Cause if we feel something at least we don’t feel nothing, only the something we think we feel might actually be nothing because it is just something we use to keep our minds busy.. Maybe I’m just a sociopath inept of compassion and as a result of this post I’m gonna go kill and chop up my flatmates and serve them as a nice roast for a christmas dinner… Maybe I’m just tired of them not cleaning… But how can we actually be sure what we feel is real. Because we feel the pain or the disappointment, well maybe that is just us playing out drama…? I don’t know if this makes any sense or if I’m just rambling, maybe the dark side is just strong in me. I shall ponder this, and as Yoda would have said it, train now, eat later… Sur ce…


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