Posts tagged “beer

Choice of choice

Okay so after that last post I started thinking about that whole who has the power thing… See who decides who is in charge… Between men and women I mean not between us and penguins even though that could easily have been the case (maybe there is actually something there for another post…). We like to think we live in a society where women turn into power women, alpha bitches (bitch in the original etymological sense of the word) and cold blooded 10″ heels, leather skirt wearing business wo’men’… (Maybe the leather skirt is over the top but you get the picture) Men on the other hand are allowed and even praised for having a more feminine side, they do yoga, they are aware of how they dress, they take paternity leave, they buy skin care and a man who can’t cook today isn’t a man! Everything is supposedly more equal but just to which extent does that argument holds… Take a common example… Boy and girl meet in bar, they decide to go for a (cheap of course) beer. The week after they do and she takes him home for a night cap aka – well we all know what that means… The guy leaves afterwards because he has an early meeting or whatever and everyone are happy. In this case… Who picked up who…? And who decides? Let’s say the woman already knew she was gonna sleep with the guy; she will therefore state it was her idea. Now this is where it gets interesting because I was gonna write, the guy thinks the same thing only I just realized maybe, probably, even most certainly the guy doesn’t care… Women spend so much time analysing this and that and how and why when the guy will probably go home, be happy he got laid and have a big breakfast the day after (with bacon cause boys eat bacon). He’ll either think it’s hot it was the woman who took charge or he’ll feel like a stud because it was so easy and well because he’s a man… He’ll probably feel both, but he will certainly not think about it anymore than that, oh except for when he tells his friends (wait am I stereotyping too much I can’t decide). Funny cause this was not where I was actually going with this post, and I think the moral of the story just shifted. I’m probably putting things on a stick again, let’s be fair if it is a one night stand then even women wouldn’t analyze because there would obviously be nothing to analyze on… What I was wondering though was… How fine are we actually with the whole women having sex like men thing? Not towards people in our surroundings but to ourselves? (The two of them probably go together… If we judge ourselves we will feel judged by everyone else even if that is not the case) Do we judge ourselves as sluts or are we capable of being just as free and open minded as men? I want to say yes, yes of course we are, and I think that we really are; only I also think it is intriguing to which extent that will be what we think… Are we done judging ourselves or does it still sometimes creep in…? And do we care if other people do judge, cause they do. Maybe that is something we can never really escape caring about. I was obviously writing this from a woman’s point of view and funnily enough before I had shared the idea of this post with anyone else I had a very similar conversation with a friend, a guy who in many ways reminds me of myself. He suggested that men who sleep around will just automatically be written of as twats with no feelings… I can’t decide, maybe we judge them not to judge ourselves…? This is of course strictly one night stand speaking, cause if we drag the whole relationship business into this discussion it becomes way bigger. Maybe it’s easier to blaim the man cause it will make the women look better… Or maybe all that mars venus stuff is just a load of crap. That is actually pretty much a certainty.

Maybe it is not so important to decide who decides who has the power. Maybe the important thing is just to get behind the choices we choose. Not only taking responsibility for our actions but realizing that we always have a choice, not about what we do and how but a choice of choice. The choice of choosing that our choice is our own and that we are behind it. The choice of choosing no judgment, at least not towards ourselves… That is most certainly easier said than done and also everyone wants the power…

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The fine line between sad and pathetic…

So before I talk more about photography and blogging in general there is something I need to get off my chest… I have been considering writing a blog post about this for a long time but in the freight of sounding typical it has taken me some time to figure out an approach… Not sure I actually have one… This thought has been roaming around for a while, fed by different similar ones… For starters I came across this blog called “Le Mec Qui” (the guy who…) a blog about all theese different types of guys, and girls, that we all know so well. For every blog post I read on this blog I felt inspired to write one on my own only I didn’t know if it would be too taggy or if people would just write me off as being irationally angry. I can securely enough confirm that I am neither, (maybe half crazy, but that is another thing) the thing that captured me however was how these blogposts always seemed to fit the exact picture. Then what happened was that my brother was quite sad and started watching Sex & The City religiously, every time I then self-pityied myself he said just watch Sex & The City… I have obviously watched this show over and over and over, but it never seems to get old. Then I started Clay Shirky’s book Cognitive Surplus and he confirmed my fear of how when we feel alone we watch tv-series to feel better. The acteurs become our friends and instead of being out between real people, the tv-shows becomes our life-saviour (well maybe not quite but still..). Now I have restarted Sex & The City, sadly, and sadly it does feel incredibly good. Also and moreso because they always pinpoint every stereotype. Now this show started out in the 90’s so things have happened since. Particurlarly in the relationships between boys and girls it seems as though things have just become even more hardcore than they were. A lot of things on that show are things we recognize, but some do seem to have changed. The whole part about everyone getting the one they love in the end is of course just TV, if they all ended up as single girls their viewer rate would probably drop massively. But what about that whole dating thing… When was the last time anyone boys or girls heard this phrase “so can I see you again??” or “thank you for a lovely dinner, we should really do that again some time”… First of all the dinner part never happens, it is usually a beer in some bar, hopefully if you choose the bar at least it’s a nice place. Then the phrase that’ll get closest to the ones I just mentioned are either “let me get this round” or the next day when one of you says “well I’ll text you” as a good bye. To avoid the urge to actually call back I usually give them my number… Basic tactic… So the romantic dinner has been replaced with cheap beer (that you usually end up paying for yourself) and the let’s see each other again becomes a promised text after the usual one night stand… A text that usually never get’s sent. I know I am being cynical, this is obviously all put out on a stick so if you are in a very romantic dating phase… Maybe don’t read on…

Then there are all the stereotypes which pretty much are same old same old. There is the guy you’ve given your number (and not slept with yet) who seems extremely keen to meet up. You then do, maybe a couple of times and he will spend the evening chatting you up (buttering you up is probably a more appropriate word) and then when he doesn’t call you back after the one night stand (you already knew you were gonna have) you wonder why he went through all the trouble and buttering and buttering when you would probably have slept with him anyway… As if he didn’t know you were the one deciding what was gonna happen and he probably still thinks talking women up, filling their ears with sweetness, is his magic weapon… Then there is the emotional unavailable guy… This guy is usually someone you end up actually liking, you’ll spend some great moments and you’ll think you have it and then out of the blue, nothing. Back in the days when Sarah Jessica Parker ran around New York in her Louboton’s telling the truth to every freakin’ guy she was with, this basic thing ‘telling the truth’ did seem as such a simple thing. A given, a completely rational solution. Now however when calls have turned into texts or Facebook chatting, just plainly saying what you feel seems completely out of the picture. Where did the honesty go I sometimes wonder… It makes me a little sad! This last case is obviously the most dangerous one because you let yourself go when you know you should have stopped a million years ago. Not always so easy when men become drugs. Sometimes even with the one night stand you do slip and this is where women turn into (apologizing for my French) crazy bitches… They become the definition of a stalker! Now I really hope I am not the only one who has been there. The guy you don’t really care about, but somehow you end up double-texting (the verb of the 21st century) and the minute you double text the first time you know all is lost. Luckily this usually makes you feel so stupid that you stop. Or in a less desirable situation two weeks of spamming goes by and then you wake up and realize what you have become (that you’ve turned into Godzilla) and then hopefully you stop. The crazy thing with the spamming is that usually when you look back you don’t even remember what was so great about that guy, it’s just that the spamming has a life of it’s own. This would never happen with the guy you really like because you will prefer doubting to actually knowing the truth. So you keep quiet, you don’t do anything and you obsess with the why and why and why for days and days and… Well you get the picture. So where does this all take us… Let’s do the Carrie Bradshaw thing… “I couldn’t help but wonder” Have we all become so emotionally stunned that the easiest thing is just to use sex as candy, eating it when we want it without getting addicted? Or do we play along and hope to get out in time? And last but not least, is honesty now completely off the table? I know the few times I was honest, stalker or not, it didn’t work. So I don’t have an answer to that question… Rationally honesty does seem to be the best answer but when you’re afraid you might get your fingers burned then suddenly it is not that simple.

Now before y’all write me off as being the most cynical Godzilla on the planet I must admit I do have a friend who actually does date, and who has a million rules about not calling(texting) back too soon, about no double texting (cause obviously he’s not stupid) and about no sex before date number very late. Did I mention this is a boy… So they do exist but I am afraid it is an endangered species on the edge of extinction. Also I’m not even sure if someone pulled a proper date on me that I would  actually enjoy it, it would probably feel like being Anna Karenina or Scarlett O’Hara and I actually happen to like cheap beer! I think the reason for not wanting to write this post in the beginning was that it is just so simple and basic and I’m not sure I am willing to accept the fact that this has nothing to do with the questions about reality in photography or the question of the being of being in being (darsein lol) this is just same old same old. Maybe we should just stop obsessing and eat some candy, hell that’s why it’s there…